Did you miss me? I thought it had only been a week, but was quickly alerted by Micah (with the “I told you so” joy of a child who is rarely correct) that it had in fact been TWO weeks since my last post! (shudder in horror) I know I have approximately two loyal readers – both of which are probably related to me. But still, I feel as if my lapse has failed you in some way. Perhaps the guilt showered upon me from my loving husband is to blame for these feelings. According to him this blog will never be successful without consistent posting – little does he know my main focus is not to be successful, but simply to fulfill a narcissistic fantasy of placing my thoughts on the internet and having people tell me how fantastic and witty I am. Please feel free to comment often and tell me I am fantastic and witty (you can use your own adjectives if you wish).
Which brings us to the topic of today’s post: SPRING CLEANING! It is spring. Apparently that means that there is also supposed to be cleaning. I would like to know who started this. AND WHY? Seriously. Clearly it was NOT someone who lives in the Northeast. Because, after it has been gloomy, rainy, snowy, windy and downright cold for 3-5 months (depending on the brutality of the season) the last thing I want to do when it is finally nice out is clean!!! I get it. Everything is fresh and new. Leaves are growing on trees. Flowers are blooming. The earth is bright and cheery and covered in pastels. Birds are chirping, people are giddy with a happiness so refreshing and true it makes the bitter and cynical want to vomit. I understand that with all this newness, comes an urge to give everything a fresh clean slate – but still, there is NOTHING that makes me want to stay inside and clean. In my attempt to understand this phenomenon of spring cleaning, I turned to my childhood memories, and was affronted with the revelation that my mother came up with the most brilliant avoidance of spring cleaning – having children. Perhaps my mom did it right….here is how I imagine she embarked into parenthood:
*the events depicted below are loosely based on history and largely remembered with my colorful imagination.
My mom and dad met in high school – yep high school sweethearts, AWWW. Her parents had moved around a lot when she was younger and when her dad (my Papa) had been transferred to Washington, D.C., she turned to her parents with a stubborn defiance that I proudly inherited, and told them she was IN LOVE and would not go. In a yet to be understood feat, they actually let her stay, finish her senior year and remain in Pittsford, NY with her love (my dad). Luckily for me (and all those that have the joy of knowing me) she stayed, they remained in love, graduated and got married. Since my mom is not unlike myself, she probably started having these same thoughts and urges. Wanting to stay young and hot and hip, but knowing she wanted a family. Debating when the time was going to be right, how would she know when the time was right, should she wait until her career is established, was she ready to be selfless….and then spring time hit. They were living in a small apartment in Fairport, and she probably, definitely, desperately wanted it to be sparkly and clean. Everyone else was spring cleaning, but she just longed to be outside in the sunshine. (If you know my mom, you know I am correct – this is the same woman that when I was at Clemson University in South Carolina was out on the lawn in front of my dorm tanning at sunrise). On with the story….so my mom was faced with a conundrum. Do I submit to these spring cleaning urges and make my home fresh and happy and new like the outdoors. Or do I just enjoy the weather and tan. She hemmed and hawed, making herself batty over this seemingly un-winnable debate. My father obviously no help at all. And then, like a stroke of genius…it was clear. She could have it all – with a small sacrifice. She would have to give up three to five good years of her life, but then she would be blessed with a chore army (other people would refer to them as children). And so it was written. She had two children right away. And in a stroke of even more enlightened genius she WAITED until those two were ready (to change diapers, babysit and child-rear) and she had two more. A perfect army of housekeepers, babysitters and yardworkers. With the age gap between Stacie (the oldest) and Kieran (the youngest) that gave her approximately 30 years of FREE labor! Officially the smartest woman I know.
The question is, how is she coping now, having to do the spring cleaning on her own — ANSWER: they now have a cleaning lady – and there’s still my dad (he’s really good with a list).
As for me? I will give this spring cleaning a shot (on a rainy day of course) and then we will reevaluate how big of an army Micah and I need. Right now I’m thinking three will suffice. As long as there is at least one boy and one girl. Let’s be honest, boys are better at mowing the lawn and girls have better attention to detail for things like dusting and polishing silver.