Since it’s Valentine’s Day, I thought I would blog about all the action I’ve been getting lately…
There was a time when I wouldn’t get the mail, walk the dog, or eat breakfast without a bra on. I was actually so concerned about my girls being “free” during labor that I wore a nursing bra the whole time. And then Avery was born , and slowly but surely, somewhere between a room full of strangers seeing ALL of my business, and the 24/7 buffet of milk at Cafe Lindsey, the world became a playground for my breasts. Yes. I just typed the word breasts and I’m not referring to chicken. (Side note: why does that still make me blush a little?) My breasts, a.k.a. Avery’s bottle of choice, have seen more action in the past 4 months than they have in the previous 31 years of my life (and unfortunately not the good kind of action). Modesty is a thing of the past and I have done like Tim Gunn and “made it work” in some of the most awkward, embarrassing, and just plain strange situations. If you have never breastfed a baby, you may not fully grasp the idea of having to be ready to pop a boob into a mouth at any given moment, but when you have a screaming, hungry baby, there is no place off-limits and there is little to no negotiation possible.
Here is a sampling of my breast-ventures…a nursing highlight reel if you will…(These also fall most definitely in the category of ‘things I never ever ever ever thought I would ever do’)
Breastfed in the car – back seat and front seat (passenger and driver). Obviously not while the car is in motion – I’m not Britney Spears (referencing crazy-time Brit when she shaved her head and got caught driving with her baby in her lap.)
Breastfed in a park while a total stranger (yet legit professional photographer – as opposed to creepy perv from Craigslist ‘photographer’) takes pictures for commercial print marketing for thousands to see. Oddly enough, I was more uncomfortable with the (likely) drunk/insane homeless man looking on than I was being in front of a camera.
Breastfed while getting blood drawn – by a nursing student no less. Oh yeah, she was a trooper. I’m pretty sure she was freaked out by the situation, but she handled the obstacle like a champ as her supervisor looked on, and I strongly encouraged her to brag to her friends later about the breastfeeding lady she stabbed in one shot. In my mind she recounted the story among her other nursing school buddies in a bar similar to the one in Grey’s Anatomy. They looked at her with awe and she was a rock star for the evening. (I realize she probably told no one, or shared the story while trying to one up the others’ crazy patient stories…but a girl can dream.)
Breastfed while doing yoga – and not sukasana where you sit on your ass cross-legged and chant. (Yes, that’s what that pose is called.) We are talking full standing series – balancing on one leg in tree pose, warrior 2, chair pose, the works. I drew the line at down dog – trust me, I almost tried. Half way into hinging forward for my surya namaskara, I realized it logistically would end poorly for both of us. Some of you may be thinking why on earth wouldn’t you like, I don’t know, sit in a corner like a normal person and take a nursing break during class…and to you I say, this is Los Angeles, I paid 20 bucks for class, hell if I was going to spend 20 bucks to sit on my ass and breastfeed. Especially when I get to do it every 2 hours all day long for free.
Breastfed while (TMI alert) on the toilet with explosive diarrhea (after this all bets were off – anything was fair game as I realized my boobs no longer belonged to me, I had no dignity and motherhood was super glamorous) This goes right along with the next adventure during my untimely bout of the stomach flu – which also conveniently occurred on Night #2 of sleep training (yeah FML)
Breastfed while vomiting/ breastfeeding while lying on the cold bathroom floor hugging the toilet after vomiting. I told you, motherhood = glamour.
Breastfed in front of total strangers (several very hands-on lactation consultants, my male pediatrician, my yoga class, my stroller strides class, my mommy and me group – yep, they’ve all seen me essentially topless. It’s like Mardi Gras up in here with milk instead of beads.)
Breastfed while at the OB/GYN – yeah that was fun.
Breastfed while eating, cooking, brushing my teeth, eating in a restaurant.
Breastfed while waiting in security line at airport and on the plane. Yep, I’m officially in the mile high club.
Breastfed while hiking – and again, no not stopping under a nice tree taking a break to nurse, but while actively hiking up a mountain. Yeah, I know, I’m pretty impressive – I even taught several friends this trick…it’s an art really.
7 months into to this 12+ month adventure, I still find it strange that I make milk like a cow. I still occasionally get overcome by awkward shyness about breastfeeding in public. My favorite spots remain the private ones: Avery’s nursery, the car and fitting rooms (Anthropologie has my favorite). I’m sure in the next months I’ll experience more “I can’t believe I just did/am doing this” moments that I’m sure I’ll share. I may not impress you, but I impress myself…and that’s really all I care about.
I can’t wait to see what awkward, strange, embarrassing, compromising or just plain funny place I will breastfeed tomorrow.
Happy Valentine’s day! (and to my breastfeeding moms out there…enjoy getting some action, take a risk, do it somewhere exciting!)