It was 100 degrees out yesterday. I’m 2o weeks pregnant, my toddler has a fever and apparently a double ear infection. Let that sink in for a minute.
Yeah. Let’s just say by 5:15 when Micah
rescued me came home from work I was beyond cranky and over it.
It’s funny cause usually on days like this, the stroller walk is my saving grace. When Avery has had his 500th temper tantrum by 10 am and I can’t handle the screaming and misery with compassion for another minute, then we walk. There’s not much some fresh air and a stroller can’t fix. But today, there was no stroller walking. Trust me, I tried. About a block in I thought I was going to melt or pass out from the heat. I pounded some water, attempted another block, started cramping and decided…yeah, ok, not a good idea. So back inside we went.
After a morning of crying over everything from needing his nose blown to the dog looking at him wrong, a trip to the doctor to find out there was a nasty double ear infection to blame, a fight to get him to choke down anything of substance for lunch, 2 hours of rocking and reading…finally there was a nap.
That lasted approximately 45 minutes. Just long enough for me to clean up toys, wash dishes in the sink, hop in the shower and sit down for roughly 5 minutes.
And we were on to round 2.
After lunch we went to the pharmacy to get antibiotics, returned some library books, stopped at Lemonade for lemonade because well…I needed something to help me through the rest of the afternoon, and if you have been to Lemonade and have tasted their sweet lemony goodness, you will totally understand. Plus they use this ice that is like heaven to crunch on – I think I read an article that crunching ice actually reduces stress…either way, It feels good to me, and ice-cold lemonade on an insanely hot day is never a bad idea. Then we went and picked up Micah from work because it was still in the hundreds and I don’t think he would have survived the walk home, AND let’s be honest, I was in need of an early reprieve.
When Micah got home I thought I was going to get a break…but there is no hiding from a cranky toddler. Especially one that thinks that mommy is the only one who really gets him. I went into the bedroom to write, suck air, take 15 minutes of personal time just doing nothing…and about every 2.5 minutes like clockwork chubby little feet came barreling into our bedroom in a fit needing to “talk to mommy”. I spent thirty minutes
relaxing mediating the dinner stand-off between Micah and Avery. Daddy said I had to eat. I ate it all. He ate nothing. I told him I wanted fruit. You never mentioned fruit. Do we have fruit? Mommy, you said I could have yogurt. What yogurt? You never mentioned yogurt? Daddy said I had to go to bed. Daddy said I had to sit and eat. My belly is full. I want to watch baseball. Daddy isn’t helping me eat. Mommy Mommy Mommy.
Finally gave in and rejoined the madness.
Thank goodness for mom’s night out. Because tonight I’m going out to dinner to laugh, talk and spend time with some amazing mamas over good food and great conversation that isn’t driven by the incessant asking of Why? why? why? why? why????
I love being a mom. I love being a stay at home mom. But some days…some days are just long, and hard and seemingly endless.
There are days that are lazy and calm. There are days that are busy, on the go, never stop for a minute. There are days full of laughter and days full of tears. Days when your heart explodes with joy and days when you feel like you are teetering on the edge of losing any and all sanity and patience in the same breath.
But even on the hardest of days, the longest of days, the days filled with tears and tantrums…they are still filled with love. Insane amounts of love.
Someone once told me that little ones save the “bad stuff” for those they love most. That preschoolers in particular save the tantrums, big emotions and outbursts for their parents because they feel safe enough to feel those BIG feelings around us. I have to remind myself of this on days like today. He does it because he feels safe and loved. And that’s a good thing.
Besides without Avery flailing himself on the ground and screaming for no apparent reason in the grocery store, how would I be able to truly appreciate when he snuggles up into me to read a bedtime story and calmly says “i love you mommy to the moon and back Infinity!” while he looks into my eyes full of the purest of love.
Whether you are having a slow day, a busy day, a happy day, rough day or any kind of day…just breathe. Try to find time for you, even if it’s just getting a glass of lemonade and sipping it slowly in an air-conditioned car as your little one listens to the radio and reads a book, safely secured in their car seat. And remember, these moments, while not always rainbows and roses, go by incredibly fast…so hold on to the good days and find peace in the reality that the not so good days won’t last forever.